Coping with Infertility: Emotional Support, Practical Steps, and Mental Health Care
Infertility — defined as trying to conceive for one year if under age 35 or six months if age 35 or older — affects approximately 10–15% of couples in the United States.
While infertility is often discussed medically, its emotional and psychological impact can be just as significant.
For many individuals and couples, infertility can feel isolating, painful, and deeply personal. Feelings of grief, shame, anxiety, and depression are common and often intensify over time. Infertility may also strain relationships, create financial stress, and affect connections with friends and family — especially when others are growing their families.
If you are coping with infertility, the following strategies may help support both your mental health and emotional well-being.
1. Seek Medical Guidance Early
Consulting a reproductive endocrinologist is an important first step. A comprehensive evaluation of both partners can help identify medical factors that may be contributing to infertility.
It is also important to know that infertility sometimes has no clear medical explanation. Even when answers are uncertain, medical providers can help you understand available options and develop a thoughtful treatment plan.
2. Practice Acceptance While Maintaining Hope
One of the most challenging aspects of infertility is living with uncertainty and lack of control. Practicing acceptance does not mean giving up hope — it means acknowledging reality as it exists right now.
Many people find relief through radical acceptance, a skill that involves allowing difficult experiences without constant resistance. Often, the more we fight reality, the more emotional suffering increases.
Acceptance and hope can coexist.
3. Acknowledge and Allow Difficult Emotions
Infertility frequently brings profound grief and loss. You may be grieving the timeline, expectations, or vision of parenthood you once imagined.
These feelings are valid. Giving yourself permission to experience sadness, anger, jealousy, or disappointment is an essential part of emotional processing and healing.
Grief related to infertility is real grief.
4. Release Self-Blame
Many individuals experiencing infertility struggle with feelings of personal failure or inadequacy. Even when medical factors are identified, infertility is not a personal failing.
Infertility is a medical condition — not a reflection of your worth, effort, or identity.
Self-compassion is a critical component of coping and recovery.
5. Focus on What You Can Control
While the outcome of pregnancy is ultimately outside of anyone’s control, there are meaningful areas where you dohave agency:
Following your treatment plan
Caring for your physical health
Supporting your emotional well-being
Making informed decisions aligned with your values
Research suggests that addressing depression and anxiety during fertility treatment may also support improved outcomes, highlighting the importance of mental health care alongside medical care.
6. Practice Flexible Self-Care
Self-care during infertility should be supportive — not rigid or perfectionistic.
Consider nurturing your well-being through:
Consistent sleep and balanced nutrition
Gentle movement or exercise
Meditation or mindfulness practices
Journaling or creative expression
Therapy or supportive conversations
Emotional self-care may also include setting boundaries, such as:
Taking breaks from trying to conceive
Skipping baby showers or triggering events
Limiting social media exposure when needed
Protecting your emotional energy is not avoidance — it is care.
7. Remember That Infertility Does Not Define You
Infertility can easily become all-consuming. While it may be an important part of your current experience, it is not the entirety of who you are.
Continue investing in relationships, interests, career goals, creativity, and activities that bring meaning and joy. Maintaining connection to other parts of your identity can help sustain resilience during an uncertain time.
8. Seek Support — You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Support can significantly reduce feelings of isolation during infertility. Consider:
Individual therapy
Couples counseling
Peer support groups
Organizations offering specialized fertility support include:
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association — support groups and educational resources
Postpartum Support International (PSI) — Fertility Challenges support groups and provider directories
PSI Helpline: 1-800-944-4773 (4PPD)
Additional Mental Health Resources
National Maternal Mental Health Hotline (24/7): 1-833-852-6262
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (24/7): Call or text 988
If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
I’m Dr. Carissa Gustafson; licensed clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles
Using evidence-based therapy, I can help you bring presence to pain and find peace on your pregnancy and postpartum journey.